Holiday of Horrors
by Alpha-Starr
Summary: A mysterious virus is going around, and it's making everybody OOC! And who is this "Mary Sue" character? An eighth Millennium Item? Téa bashing? A recycled plot? Oh, the horrors! Halloween fic. Yaoi YY, BR, SJ. ONLY HALF-BASHES TÉA.


"Holiday of Horror"

Summary: A mysterious virus is going around, and it's making everybody OOC! And who is this "Mary Sue" character? An eighth Millennium Item? Téa bashing? A recycled plot? Oh, the horrors! Halloween fic. YY, BR, SJ.

A/N: I told myself, "Wouldn't it be fun to write a Halloween fic? It would be really stress relieving and probably solve my writer's block." But I fail at writing the bloody, gory stuff, and the whole thing with the "Halloween Masquerade Romance" didn't really appeal to me. So then I thought, "What is the most horrifying thing I can think of that isn't particularly bloody?" Immediately, the answer came to me: "A clichéd Yugioh Badfic!"  
>And so, here it is.<br>No offense to anyone who's ever written a fic like the kind I've portrayed here. I'm sure that yours is much better than the ones that I've read. I have really bad luck, and it seems that I always read the worst fics first.

Disclaimer: I own Yu-Gi-Oh! if and only if my name is Kazuki Takahashi AND flying pigs with Duel Disks defeat Seto Kaiba within their first turn. In short, not going to happen anytime soon. Also, anything else you recognize? Most likely not mine.

Warnings: Shounen-ai, implied yaoi, parody, sarcasm. You know, the usual. Also, Téa bashing, but it's more of the woobie variety. You could even categorize it under pro-Téa.

* * *

><p>.-.-.-Friday, October 28, 20XX. Domino High School Hallways, Shortly After School-.-.-.<p>

Téa was worried. There was something very off about the world... There had been a small tremor on Tuesday- nothing big, just enough to rattle all the nearby windchimes and school projectors and create a few days' worth or hubbub and gossip.

But Téa's innate sense of danger, carefully honed from being friends with Danger-Magnet Yugi, told her that it was much, much more than the aftershocks of a tiny earthquake.

She just didn't know what the danger was.

Yugi approached his friend after seeing Joey and Tristan off at the detention room. Something about a prank involving muffins and muriatic acid...? In any case, Yugi didn't want to know. At the moment, he was more concerned with Téa, who was staring off in thought distractedly. He tapped her on the shoulder, once, twice. And so, she was snapped from her reverie.

"Téa?" Yugi asked, brow furrowed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she frowned in spite of her words. "But I'm really worried. I have a bad feeling about that earthquake from earlier this week..."

"You don't think it could be a pre-wave, do you" Yugi bit his lip nervously. Japan was notorious for having dreadful tsunamis that accompanied most earthquakes.

"No, no, nothing like that," Téa reassured him. "It's not even the sort of feeling I get when someone's out to kill you, either. I think it's either someone trying to take over the world or another Duel Monsters tournament."

"Yeah..." Yugi agreed before pausing in thought. "You know, Téa, I think you're on to something. Now that you mention it, the other Bakura hasn't made any sort of appearance for the past couple days, and he usually takes Ryou over as often as he can. Plus, he hasn't so much as _looked_ at the Puzzle since Monday!"

"That _is_ really weird!" Téa exclaimed. "Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Ryou about it... He does, after all, share a body with the spirit of the ring."

"That's a great idea!" Yugi nodded. "If anyone has the slightest hint about what's going on with Bakura, it would probably be Ryou."

And so, the duo located the white-haired Brit and began to walk home with him. They'd started off with small talk and senseless drivel of that sort, before eventually petering down into an awkward silence.

"I know what you're going to ask me," Ryou sighed after nearly fifteen minutes of uncomfortable silence. "About the spirit of the ring."

Téa sighed and relaxed, "Yeah. I'm sorry... I don't mean to be suspicious about you at all, Ryou, you're the best. But I just can't trust the other Bakura... I'm so sorry..."

"It's all right," Ryou smiled softly. "Bakura hasn't exactly done anything to get himself in any of your good graces..."

"Ah, Ryou..." Yugi consoled. "It isn't your fault. We're really too harsh on you."

Ryou still shook his head, "No. It is my fault. I probably should have told you about this the day I noticed the change in Bakura... just promise that you won't hurt him?"

Téa looked at Ryou like he'd grown an extra head, "Only if he doesn't hurt any of us first."

"Somehow, I don't think he will," Ryou replied as they reached the Brit's house.

"!"

The door flung open widely and a massive white blur flew across the lawn, tackling the aforementioned hikari.

"I missed you, my sweet, fluffy bunny~!" the fluffy yami known as Bakura nuzzled his lighter half lovingly.

Ryou winced and aimed an exasperated look in his companions' direction, "See what I mean?"

Yugi looked absolutely gobsmacked. His jaw was hanging open, his already- large eyes forced even wider, and a dumbfounded expression on his face. Bakura was... nice? Even more so, he had a body? And since when did the overworld narrative use words like "hikari" and "yami"? Yugi wasn't even sure he knew what those words meant! Something was seriously messed up here, and, like all main characters, he was going to get to the bottom of it.

Sending a glance in Téa's direction, he could tell that she was having a similar train of thought. That determined face could only mean one thing: Téa was getting down to business.

"Bakura," Ryou frowned. "You can get off me now."

"But I don't want to, precious hikari mine!" Bakura pouted, hugging Ryou even closer, as if he were a rag doll. "You're my light, all mine... mine... _mine_..."

Téa furrowed her brow. There was something seriously off about his character.

"B-bu-but..." Ryou stammered, blushing heavily as he tried to think up an excuse. "Um, we have guests!"

Bakura looked at Yugi and Téa, as if he'd just noticed them... which he probably had, Yugi realized.

"Oh, of course," Bakura stood and bowed elegantly. "You may, of course, join _yadonushi_ and I for our afternoon tea. I baked your favorite, Ryou, and also those vanilla cookies that you really like."

"_Yadonushi_? _Baking_?" Téa and Yugi exchanged the silent question between themselves before directing it at Ryou, who just shrugged. It wasn't as if he knew what "yadonushi" meant, and who the hell knows where Bakura learned to bake?

"But if you even look at my hikari the wrong way, I will rip out your intestines and feed them to my Man-Eater Bug," Bakura growled. "Also, the baka Pharaoh isn't allowed to come out of his baka Puzzle. I refuse to give him the pleasure of tasting my confectionaries!"

Yugi and Téa let out a simultaneous sigh of relief. There was still some semblance of the real Bakura in there! Even if neither of them had any idea what a "baka" was, at least this Bakura wasn't an impostor.

And so, they went inside to drink tea and eat cream puffs.

And yes, indeed, they were delicious.

.-.-.-Later that Evening, Yugi's House-.-.-.

Yami, in a spiritual manifestation outside the Puzzle, was observing his other self very intently.

Yugi was up doing his Chemistry 101 homework, which he'd been working on since he'd gotten home from Ryou's place. Let it be known that the reason it was taking so long was not because Yugi did not understand the material- he was taking breaks every half hour to play video games or talk to Yami.

"Yami," the teenage boy looked up at his counterpart. "I just can't shake the feeling that something's going to go very, very wrong very, very soon... I'm not sure what it is, but it's going to happen and it's going to be bad. Really bad."

"Try not to worry too much about it, _aibou_," Yami smiled, coming over to stroke Yugi's hand with his own ethereal one.

Yugi froze.

"Yami, what is an '_aibou_'?" Yugi asked abruptly. What if it was another keyword like "yami" or "hikari" or "yadonushi"? Did that mean that Yami was next?

Yami blinked twice, "Um, actually, I don't know... it was like some Ra-driven force was pushing me to say that, and the next thing I knew, the words were coming out of my mouth."

He looked down at Yugi's hand and blushed, removing his own from on top of it.

Yugi frowned, "If that's the case, maybe the thing that the other Bakura has is spreading..."

"Well, maybe it's not so bad if Bakura finally treats Ryou more kindly," Yami nodded. Then, he pouted, "But I don't see why _he_ gets the separate body! As much as I enjoy your company, Yugi, I'm sure we'd both appreciate a little more privacy."

"Ehh? What do you mean, _mou hitori no boku_?" Yugi asked curiously. Then, he gasped and covered his mouth with both of his hands. "Oh no! It's happening to me, too!"

Yami bit his lip anxiously. He didn't want his other self to change dramatically, the way Bakura had. He loved Yugi the way he was already, thank you very much.

The boy and his spirit were torn from their conversation by a loud pounding on the door of the game shop.

"Guys, guys! Open up!" the muffled voice of Téa came through the door. "Help!"

Yugi hurriedly ran downstairs, glad that he'd left his bedroom door open. There was no way he would've heard her otherwise. He flung open the front door.

Téa burst into the room, laughing evilly. Yugi instantly noticed something off about her.

"Yugi!" Yami exclaimed with a gasp. "That's not Téa... I can sense Shadow Magic around her!"

"My Pharaoh!" she squealed girlishly. "Friendship! You recognize me! Friendship! Like, OMG! Friendship! I knew you would; we're like, meant to be! And then we'll spread friendship all around the world!"

"Who **are** you?" Yami looked revolted.

She batted her eyelashes and pressed her breasts to his intangible arm. He shuddered.

"Teehee, silly Yami!" she giggled stupidly. "Of course, it's me! Your girlfriend, Tea!"

"Tee?" Yugi raised an eyebrow, enunciating the double-e sound. "Like the drink?"

"Yup!"Tee exclaimed. Then she glared at Yugi. "Not like it matters to you, runt. You may have Yami's heart now, but in the end, I swear that Yami will be mine!"

"Wai- wait, what?" Yugi blinked at her. "You've got it all wrong, Yami and I aren't..."

"I'm sorry, Tee, but I belong to Yugi," Yami said in a stage declaration. He leaned in to Yugi and whispered, "Please play along, partner. She frightens me. I've never seen even Téa talk about friendship this much..."

Yugi reluctantly agreed. Even he had to admit this was super-freaky.

"OMG, like, nowai!" Tee gasped. "But, like, _friendship_! I thought you were my _friend_, Yugi!"

All of a sudden, a super-elegant girl came falling out of the sky, in spite of the fact that they were indoors. She was absolutely stunning. Neither Yugi nor Yami could take their eyes off her. She had long, waist-length rainbow-colored hair that ran a near perfect gradient from where it was bright red at the tips to a pastel lavender at the roots. She had plump, ruby-red lips, which complemented her large, sparkly amethyst eyes, which actually changed color according to her mood. Her body was thin but somehow curvy and she had D-cup breasts. Also, she was just about Yugi's height and, did we mention, absolutely gorgeous?

She was wearing a pure, impossibly white dress that went down to her knees with a slit that ran from the side of her leg to her hips. But she wasn't indecent because she was also wearing thigh-high, rainbow striped stockings and knee-high white boots. She had enormous, fluffy, white angel wings and even carried a pastel rainbow feather to accentuate their clean purity. She was also armed with a sparkling clean white Duel Disk, on which every panel was a different color, corresponding to the rainbow. Her entire outfit was held together by a metallic silver belt with an extremely familiar eye symbol on it.

"Evil bitch, you must die for blocking the yaoi!" the newcomer cried with the voice of an angle. The angle, in case anyone was wondering, was thirty degrees wide (AKA pi divided by six radians) and had a sine of one half. With one swoop of her giant feather, she forced the evil spirit from Téa's body. Téa collapsed, unconscious.

"Is Téa okay?" Yugi asked worriedly, hurrying to his friend's side.

"Yugi, you have such a kind heart!" the stranger announced. "It makes me so proud to be your twin sister!"

"Twin... sister?" Yugi looked absolutely baffled.

"I'm your long-lost, dead twin sister, Marianne Suellen Louisetta Georgia Yuumei Sakura Sparkling Angelica Kikki Brendona Papillionaedae Muto!" she exclaimed. "But you can just call me Mary Sue. My deck is based around Hyozanryu the Diamond Dragon and I can beat Seto Kaiba in only one turn! Also, I died when we were born, but I got kicked out of Heaven for falling in love with a demon. I was allowed to come back to Earth and redeem myself as long as I collect all seven of the Century Objects, which include the Belt, which I have here, the Earrings on your friend over there, the Bracelet, the Fountain Pen, the Headband, the Gameboy, and the Purse."

"Wow, Mary Sue, you sound really, really busy," Yami hinted heavily that he would like her to leave, preferably ASAP.

"Yeah, I am!" she smiled, her blindingly white teeth temporarily stunning both Yami and her brother. She bent down to collect the Earrings and, with a poof of mint-scented smoke, she was gone.

"_Weirdest. Experience. Ever._" Yami and Yugi didn't even need a mind link to know that they were thinking the same thing.

Their attentions were diverted, however, when Téa began to stir.

"Guys, I just had the weirdest experience ever," she confided. "I had another me, like Yugi has Yami and Ryou has Bakura. But the other me was downright insane! She was obsessed with killing Yugi and making Yami her lover, and even called herself 'Tee'! I hate it when people pronounce my name like 'tee'!"

"We know," Yugi nodded his head. "The really strange thing is that she was stopped by an angel with the voice of an angle claiming to be named 'Mary Sue' and also my long-lost, dead sister."

"Wow, and I thought there were funny things going on in _my_ head," Téa tutted. "Anyways, Tee told me that she'd infected Domino City with a dreadful disease, something called Ohoceeitis (A/N: Leik L0L, 00Citis)! It forces people to act extremely out of character and, if we don't get rid of it fast enough, it might even bring Tee back to town!"

"Holy Ra!" Yami exclaimed, "How do we get rid of it?"

"Logically, a good villain wouldn't tell us how to cure the disease, but I somehow know that we need all seven Millennium Items, and also some prune juice and rosemary leaves," Téa explained. "Fortunately, the Ishtars and Shadi are in town, so we can get everything really quickly if we only get all of our friends together and-"

"_**NOT SO FAST!**_" Tee's diembodied voice boomed in all-caps, italicized, bolded letters, emphasizing her obnoxiousness. "_**I HAVE DONE IT! DOMINO CITY IS MINE! NOW, EVERYONE WHO WASN'T IN THIS HOUSE WILL BE HORRIBLY OOC AND YAMI WILL BE MINE!**_"

"Oh no!" Yugi gasped worriedly.

"We have to stop this!" Téa exclaimed, determination evident in her voice.

"_Aibou_, protect me," Yami whimpered, clinging to Yugi pathetically.

This was madness.

No.

THIS...

WAS...

DOMINO!

.-.-.-Meanwhile, at the Bakura Household-.-.-.

This was madness...

Ryou sighed exasperatedly as he eyed his darker half, who was seated across from him at the dinner table. Dark red eyes gazed up at him lovingly.

"_Tenshi_," Bakura purred sweetly. "Did you enjoy the dinner I made for you?"

Ryou's eyes darted from side to side nervously, afraid to answer incorrectly. Bakura was still using strange words that he didn't really understand.

"It was delicious," Ryou smiled because, indeed, the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding were both absolutely delicious, if slightly on the undercooked side. But, hey, this was Bakura he was talking about. He was lucky that the meat hadn't been raw!

"Don't I deserve a reward, then," Bakura continued, smiling tenderly. "For being such a good yami to you?"

"Ah- well, I suppose you do," Ryou hesitated. "But, um, please something within reason..."

Suddenly, Ryou felt a wave of change come over his body. His cheeks instantly pinked, and he looked even shyer and more innocent than he did before... an impressive feat, because everyone knows that Ryou Bakura looks like a sweet, fluffy kitten already.

"Anything, as long as it's in reason..." Ryou felt the urge to bat his eyelashes flirtatiously. He didn't fight it.

Bakura softly brushed his cheek before leaning in and whispering, " Then you won't mind if I do _this_."

And he kissed him.

"Ohhh, Bakura," Ryou moaned loudly and exaggeratedly. "I love you!"

"You've finally confessed your love to me, _tenshi_!" Bakura exclaimed, tears shining in his eyes as he cuddled his totally _kawaii desu_ hikari. "I'm going to make sweet love to you right here in this kitchen!"

"_Mou hitori no boku_!" Ryou kissed him fervently again. "Take me!"

They had sex, and it involved jam.

Lots and lots of jam.

.-.-.-At the Same Time, With Joey-.-.-.

Joey Wheeler was in a jam.

He was running downtown, away from his home, pursued by his drunken father who was carrying a beer bottle with which to beat him. Strangely enough, no policemen noticed, and none of the people in their homes bothered to report anything either.

"_What the Hell?_" Joey thought. "_Dad ain't ever had more than a can of beer at a time. We couldn't even afford enough alcohol to get him drunk! He doesn't get paid until tomorrow! Besides, Dad ain't never hit me before. What's going on here?_"

"Stop right there, generic nameless drunkard!" declared a man in a large, billowing white trench coat. He held his hand out before him in a stop sign. "I won't let you hurt my precious puppy anymore!"

"KAIBA!" Joey looked up in shock at his rival. "Wha- wha- why're ya savin' me when I don't need ta be saved? Actually, why're ya _here_? Don't ya got a little bro an' KaibaCorp that yer busy wit'?"

"I always have time to rescue my sweet pup," Kiaba exclaimed, promptly whacking Joey's nameless father over the head with his briefcase. The elder Mr. Wheeler disappeared into a plothole. "I've been keeping tabs on you, adorable puppy-dog."

"He-hey! I ain't a dog!" Joey huffed, his face flushing red. "An' who're ya callin' _cute_? Joey Wheeler doesn't do cute! "

"_Katsuya_," Seto whispered huskily, his personality doing a complete 180 as he sidled up to Joey and got all up in his face. Joey backed up and put his arm up as a shield between him and the obviously insane CEO. "I've been watching you for a long, long time..."

"Kai- Kaiba, can't we reconsider dis?" Joey backed away further, unaware that he was heading towards a wall. Seto stepped forward, too. "Yer creepin' me out... an' besides, what da hell's a '_Katsuya_'?"

"Silly puppy doesn't even know his own name," Seto chuckled, reaching a hand out to touch Joey. Joey flinched; whenever Kaiba laughed, bad things generally tended to happen. "You know, I was so scared I would lose you tonight... I realized that life is short, and I need to tell you one thing. I'd regret it if I never got to say it..."

Joey backed up one more step and his back hit the wall. He was trapped.

"What, Kaiba?" Joey asked, suddenly curious. All memory of having ever been in a gang seemed to flee him, and he seemed unable to fight back, shove "Kiaba" away, do _anything_. Of course, being entranced by Seto's dark, solemn blue eyes didn't help him much either.

"I love you," Seto breathed, and then they kissed.

"Oh, Kiaba!" Katsuya cried, breaking for air. "I love you _**to**_, my big, strong dragon! But I've always been _**to**_ scared to tell you..."

"It's Seto, _Katsuya-koi_," Seto wrapped his arms around Katsuya and nuzzled his cheek, "I promise nothing will ever hurt you again, my precious _koinu_."

The extremely attractive _bishounen_ kissed romantically and passionately.

"Come home with me and abandon all your friends for several days," Kiaba demanded. "You're mine."

"All yours," Katsuya agreed, a dreadfully lovesick expression on his face.

Kiaba swept Katsuya up bridal style and they vanished off to his limo to have hot sex in a moving vehicle.

The author chose this moment to announce that her fic "Friday" also involves sex in a moving vehicle. Coincidentally, it happens to be between the two characters mentioned here.

Bad self-advertising! Bad!

.-.-.-Black Crown Game Shop-.-.-.

"I told you, I saw her first! Serenity is _mine_!" Tristan scowled at Duke. Psh, see if _he'd_ ever come over to play Dungeon Dice Monsters again.

"But it's obvious she prefers me," Duke waggled his eyebrows. "That's why I should be allowed to date her first when she gets into Domino next week."

"No fair!" Tristan growled. "You got the first date last time!"

Duke quirked an eyebrow, "Last time was the three-person date."

"You know what I mean!" Tristan exclaimed exasperatedly. "The last time she picked just one of us to date her first!"

The two boys glared heatedly at each other for a minute. Then, a sudden change appeared to come over them, as if looking at the other in a whole new light.

It was awkward.

They sat there in silence or a few minutes, carefully avoiding the other's gaze.

"Wanna make out?" Duke queried suddenly.

"Why the Hell not?" Tristan gave in.

Tristan found out that night that Duke Devlin, Master of Dice, owned every type of dice in the world.

Including those of the sexual variety.

.-.-.-Saturday, October 29, 20XX. Kame Game Shop -.-.-.

Yugi awoke to loud knocking on his door.

"Yugi, it's time to get up!" Grandpa Muto called.

Yugi turned around in his bed, then blearily blinked at his clock, "Grandpa! It's too early to be up on a Saturday, it's not even seven o'clock yet!"

Solomon yanked open his grandson's door, "We got a call in from the schools very late last night. You now have school on Saturdays."

"Whaaaat?" Yugi pouted, shuffling out of bed. He was still exhausted from the all-night save-the-world planning with Yami and Téa. "All right, _jii-chan_."

Solomon Muto scratched his head. What on Earth was a "jii-chan"? Ah, it was probably just modern teenage lingo!

"Right," Grandpa agreed. "You have to be in school in a little under an hour, so I'll just leave you to get dressed."

Grandpa shut the door. For a moment, Yugi just sat and pouted adorably before reluctantly getting out of bed and schucking off his mint-colored pajamas. Feeling exceptionally rebellious because he had to go to school on a Saturday- a _Saturday_!- and because he'd be missing at least half of the two-day mini tournament Kaiba had planned for the weekend, Yugi chose to dress in the Pharaoh's tight-fitting black leather pants, extra belts, and the silver chain bracelets Yami had begged him into getting.

Not like he didn't get away with breaking the school dress code on a regular basis with his giant, spiked-up hair and the bling-bling known as the Millennium Puzzle, but it was the thought that mattered.

Yugi ran to the bathroom as quickly as he could, grabbing his backpack on the way out. He brushed his teeth and washed up- Yugi wasn't a morning showers person. His stubborn hair, which refused to behave, took forever to comb out and Yugi simply didn't have the time to do that in the mornings.

Yugi ran down the stairs and grabbed some toast off the kitchen counter on his way to school.

"Bye, grandpa!" Yugi shouted, rushing out the door. He was late enough for school already; time always seemed to move faster on a Saturday. Outside the game shop, he met Téa, who was also running to school. Even when they were late, their schedules seemed synchronized with each other... which was odd, because only in fanfiction were such excuses logical. I mean, really, what's the probability of that?

Yugi, with Téa in tow, had just barely made it on time to school. Panting, they collapsed in their chairs.

"Hi there. You must be Yugi," a stunningly gorgeous girl with moonshine-pale skin and long, flowing black hair with light brown streaks in it said to Yugi. She blatantly violated the dress code by wearing a "goffic" low-cut black mini-dress littered with chains and buckles, the jacket for the male uniform (undoubtedly stolen from Kiaba or Katsuya), dangerously high blue platform shoes, blue Japanese hairpins, a gray handbag, and fishnet stockings. "My name is Alpha Louise Maebelle Annelise Scott Starr, and I'm an obvious author's self-insert. I just moved here from Arkansas because I heard that my BFF Seto from the orphanage lived here. LOL, I'm also Mokuba's new girlfriend because even though Seto is my favorite character, I like him better with Joey because two _bishies_ are always hotter than one. Also, it provides readers with the comforting idea that the Kaiba line will be carried on because Mokuba likes girls."

Téa gaped at her. Who the hell was she? You'd think that if Mokuba had a girlfriend, she would've been mentioned earlier... even so, if she'd been Kaiba's friend, wouldn't it have been mentioned in one of the important flashbacks relating to his past ? Not to mention, as a high school junior, wasn't she a little too old for the sixth-grade Mokuba? Besides, she was wearing clothes that could get her arrested out on the street for public indecency, shouldn't the school do something about it?

Even though they looked nothing alike, Téa suspected that she came from the same origins as Mary Sue, Yugi's "sister" that he evidently had no idea existed.

Yugi coughed, and, in an attempt to be polite, replied, "Um, nice to meet you, Alpha. This is my friend, Téa."

Because she had a negative misconception of Téa due to all of the bashing fanfics she'd read, Alpha screeched, "Z0MG 1 MU57 K111 H3R 4 G3771NG IN T3H W41 0F Y4M1XYUG1 Y401Z!11!1"

From her magical handbag of uber-preparedness and sparkly specialness, Alpha pulled out a full-size, battery-powered, solid gold chainsaw. She turned it on and Téa, being the smart cookie that she is, ran for her life.

Yugi blinked vacantly at the spot Téa was standing in three sentences ago. What the heck was going on here? This was easily the weirdest thing Yugi had ever seen in his life... and that was coming from a guy whose body was also inhabited by the spirit of an Egyptian Pharaoh!

"Good morning, Yugi!" Ryou chirruped cheerfully, Bakura's arm around his waist.

"Oh, um, hi," Yugi smiled back, throwing a nervous glance at Ryou's other self. "What's going on with you?"

"Not much," Bakura grinned happily.

Yugi nearly went into cardiac arrest. The other Ryou, smiling happily without any malicious intent? And treating Yugi, the reincarnation of the Pharaoh that he hated, with acceptance and politeness? Unspeakable!

Ryou and Bakura proceeded to sit at Ryou's desk and make out like they had no sense of public decency. Hands roved where they shouldn't and poor Yugi, scarred for life, turned away and shut his eyes. Then, a high-pitched moan floated through the air, and Yugi covered his ears. When would this nightmare be over?

"Hey, Yugi," Tristan leaned over his desk. "What's up, bud?"

"Oh, hey Tristan," Yugi sighed in relief. He supposed it was pretty hard to mess up Tristan's personality, since he didn't particularly say that much in the first place. "Some strange things are happening lately. For example, Kaiba isn't here today. I know he has a tournament, but whenever he needs to be out for business reasons, he stops by in the morning before the event begins to collect his homework and such, Of course, Joey's late, too, but he probably just got up late."

"Oh, yeah," Honda suddenly remembered something. "This morning, Jou called and he said that he's cutting school to spend the day with Kiaba at his tournament."

"That isn't fair," Otogi cooed, popping up from a random plothole. He nuzzled Tristan/Honda's cheek. "I'd much rather be cuddling in bed with you than in school. And we all know that that's what Kiaba and Jounohchee are doing right now."

Yugi's eyes widened even further, giving him a bug-eyed expression. Oh no! Not Tristan and Duke too!

"_Aibou_," a deep, panicked voice said from behind him. "What's going on?"

Yugi turned, then saw Yami's once-ethereal body suddenly become tangible.

"I don't know!" Yugi cried, frantic and upset. "There's a chainsaw murderer after Téa, the school isn't doing anything about it, everyone's misspelling Kaiba's name, Ryou and his other half are suddenly exhibitionists, and I don't know what a 'Jounohchee' is!"

Yugi's eyes began to water, finally breaking down, and he buried his face in the Pharaoh's tight-fitting leather shirt.

Yami, overcome by a sudden urge to do something cute and fluffy, wrapped his completely opaque arms around his precious _aibou_. He rubbed his back soothingly.

"Shh, shh, my _chibi ichi_," Yami whispered. "It'll all be fine in the end."

Yugi's enormous, sparkling amethyst eyes gazed up at Yami, "You really think so?"

"As long as we have each other, we will survive," Yami smiled tenderly, lifting Yugi's chin with his index finger.

Their gazes met with a smoldering passion. With love in their eyes, the two tri-colored duelists leaned in towards each other. The readers wondered why they were described as tri-colored because Yami and Yugi each had the colors red, black, yellow, blue, white, and skintone on their characters, but the guessed that the description only referred to their hair.

And then they kissed sweetly and gently, yet passionately. Because the author had never been kissed, she was stuck using these vague adjectives.

After almost a minute, they broke for air, though they continued to stare lovingly into each others' eyes.

"I guess, maybe, being OOC isn't that bad," Yugi giggled shyly.

Yami paused for a second at this. There should be something wrong with being this way, but strangely enough, he didn't feel like there was. He wanted to serenade Yugi underneath a balcony and make love to him slowly on a bed with rose petals. That is what he felt, and there couldn't be anything wrong with doing romantic things for his _aibou_, who he loved even though the readers never found out why exactly.

"No, I guess it isn't," Yami replied vacantly, still not completely sure if he meant what he said. Something felt remarkably off...

He shook the feeling off and turned back to Yugi.

They got front row seats to Alpha's new theater production, "The Mauling of Téa: Millennium Chainsaw Edition".

Tee was also exceptionally pissed because Yugi got a date with Yami.

.-.-.-Monday, October 31, 20XX. Domino High School Hallways, Shortly After School-.-.-.

As she hid behind lockers, trying to avoid more trouble, Téa was exceptionally pissed.

After being chased through the hallways by rabid dogs, beaten up by Bakura, hung upside down from a tree for an hour, sprayed by a skunk, and tied to a medieval torture device known as "The Rack", Téa had more than enough reason to be upset. Not to mention, her friends had spent the day laughing at her expense as if she _hadn't_ helped them through the past year!

Granted, the torture wasn't without reason. The rabid dogs were for calling Jounohchee Katsuya a stupid, worthless mutt and consequently making him cry weakly into Kiaba's chest. The beating from Bakura was for offending his hikari's sensitive emotions by calling him several derogatory terms referring to homosexuals. Of course she deserved to be hung from a tree for trying to spy on Yami's classes; it was her own fault for climbing up the tree in the first place. From the tree, she'd fallen on top of the skunk's burrow, which didn't actually make sense because skunks generally live inside bushes or logs. Even so, it was logical for the skunk to spray her. The Rack was for hitting on Yami yet again, even though it was totally obvious he and Yugi were madly in love.

The problem was that it was _Tee_ who had done all those things, not Téa. The generally kind, accepting, and friendly teen was the one punished for her evil, obnoxious, and cruel yami's behavior, which really wasn't fair.

She didn't even have any idea how she got up in the tree! One second she was in class, then suddenly- POOF! She was hanging upside down from a tree.

Poor Téa prayed for this nightmare to end.

What had she ever done to deserve this holiday of horrors?

* * *

><p>Please review. I'd like to know what you think! Thank you.<p> 


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